A HIGH QUALITY MESS
A lot has happened in the last week. Hell, a lot has happened in the last thirty minutes. So I hope you don't mind me having a kind of unconnected rant. It won't happen again, hopefully.
Where should I even start? What should I focus on?
Firstly, I'd like to say that I still don't know what my relationship with kpop is. I'm kind of growing apart from it slowly. I've decided I only ult Boa and Tiffany, and SHINee of course. I mean, imagine me without SHINee. I still love the people I ulted but it feels different. I want to love them more but I can't make myself. Seeing them doesn't make my heart skip beats anymore. Which is okay, I guess. It's a part of moving on and growing up and stuff like that.
I'd also like to mention VIXX, which I'm sure you don't care about, but I love their comeback. They never disappoint. I've decided to follow the "treat yo self" motto and keep up with the stages. Maybe I'll even download the album, although I doubt I'll ever get bored of Boa's music.
I got my braces a few days ago and guess what! My confidence didn't leave me! I actually feel kind of cute, but I've also decided to wear mascara and lipliner every day to kind of distract people from the braces. Also the weather is really nice and I'll be able to wear dresses when my tattoo heals completely and I'm happy. I missed having a fashion sense! Let's be real, my outfits during winter are... Let's just not mention them.
I kind of sort of mentioned my crush in the last post and I would talk about them more but I also don't want to? It feels kind of weird and I'm too nervous to actually do something about it. I've been hoping it'd go away but uhh... I still like them...
How are you even supposed to start talking to someone you like? How do you let them know you like them without them actually knowing you like them? How do you tell them "hey i like you let's hang out sometime"? Even if you do go out, how do you act around them?
I've been talking with my friends about this a lot... Well, not a lot, but more than usual, considering I usually never talk about my crushes and stuff. It took me a month before I told anyone who I like... Probably the longest secret I've ever kept. But yeah, all my friends want me to do something about it, to which I reply with a high-pitch scream because I'm scared and nervous and they probably don't like me back.
My friend wrote her own blog post on crushes and she said we should just.. go for it? I understand that it's a nice feeling to know there's someone who likes you and thinks of you a lot and honestly it would be nice to experience that someday, but it's hard to listen to that advice. What do you do when you want to do something but the voice in your head is screaming "DON'T DO IT IT WILL ALL GO HORRIBLY WRONG ABORT MISSION"?
Anyway, on thursday I spent the nicest day with the person who wrote that post about crushes and she has actually helped me a lot without even knowing and I'm so thankful and I really don't know why this week was the first time we went out together considering we've known each other since freshman year? Anyway, we sat on a bench next to pretty flowers and talked about random things and it was really fun. I'm glad we became closer and I hope we don't grow apart again!
If you're wondering what the thing that has happened in the last thirty minutes is... Not to point fingers, but some people at school made me wheeze more than ever in my entire life. I don't get involved in drama, but watching it play out is the most fun thing ever. Not to start anything, but I really think you shouldn't drop all your friends for someone you've been dating for like a month and all you talk about is school. But that's just me!
Yes, if you're wondering, my friends are still the most important people in my life and they forever will be!
Perhaps I should stop writing now. I really feel like this is the worst post I've ever written and I apologize that you had to read this, but now you kind of know what's going on in my life.
I don't have school tomorrow, but I'll find out whether I won that literary competition or not and I honestly don't know what to hope for, considering it carries something else with it. I might not win considering I won once already, and I'll probably never top that story, but we'll see.
Thank you for keeping up with my messy life. I see how many people read this and it means a lot to see a high number considering I think of myself as a boring person who just overshares while no one cares so... Yeah, thank you.
Never forget I love Jonghyun the most! He's my everything!
Have a nice week, everyone!
P.S you should read my friend's blog because she's the one that made mine possible !