COLD SUMMER

It's been raining almost every day since my latest post which makes me really sad. I like hot summer, both the weather and the song.

I honestly don't know what to talk about today but I don't want to miss out on a post considering I already have an essay to write which I promised I'd post before July and I won't because I'm busy. I'm sorry Momo :(

Summer break started two weeks ago and I spent maybe three days at home. I was at Petra's, at the seaside, at Tina's and I'm going to Klara's after I write this. I really thought this summer would be the worst one yet and I said that a lot of times already but it turned out not to be which makes me really happy. I've spent all of my free time with my friends and I love them the most.

Being at the seaside was fun, but it didn't feel like being at the seaside because of the bad weather. We spent maybe an hour on the beach before it started raining and we had to go back to our room. I ate a lot of delicious food and even drank a mojito which was okayish I guess. I found out drinking alcohol makes me even sadder than I usually am so... Alcohol is a no-no for me.

I spent three days with Tina before she had to go to Greece. I was supposed to go to Greece as well but I've decided not to because I'm scared of my mood swings and being so far away from home while my mental state is like this makes me feel uneasy. I'd rather not cry myself to sleep on the other side of the continent while being in a room with three other people, you get me. But I hope Tina and the rest of my class will have fun!

We went to get our report cards and books and I got really happy when I saw my average grade. I knew I'd pass with an A but it still makes me happy to see it. I already made peace with passing with a B in the middle of May, but my grades got better afterwards. My grades will probably be awful next year because of the new subjects I'm getting, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

My sister has been making me keep up with the World Cup... Before that I only knew Taekwoon sang the Korean cheering anthem, and now I know Croatia is doing REALLY well and I'm kind of proud of us? I love it when our poor little country does well in something that's important all over the world. I even saw a bunch of foreign people with our flag in their twitter display names!

Other than that, I've been doing nothing special. I love Lee Minho with my entire heart and he makes me really happy. I'm so glad I found him. I already said I didn't think I'd ever love anyone as much as I loved Jonghyun, and I probably won't, but loving Minho is different than loving anyone else and it makes me scared and happy at the same time.

Also, I've been asked about the meaning of my tattoo. It was casual, and and a reasonable question. It wasn't for no reason - why would I beg my parents, who are extremely anti-tattooes, to get a tattoo if it was just to have one? It has a meaning. But I couldn't. I stayed silent. So she asked me again. I only said that I don't want to talk about it. Because I honestly have no clue what to say - I loved a Korean singer for over a year and then he killed himself and, would you look at that, I still love him more than anything else in the world and I want to have him by my side forever and I never want to forget him and he was my daisy so I got a tattoo of a daisy? Is that a good reason or would the person think I'm delusional?

SHINee's latest comeback is dedicated to Jonghyun and it hurts me so much to watch it. They're so strong and I'm incredibly proud of them. I wish I was half as strong as them. They deserve the entire world. 

I really hope the weather will get better soon and that my summer will stay as good as it is now. I hope I'll hang out with my friends a lot and that I'll be happy. I also want to read a lot of books - I bought Love, Simon and Petra lended me another good book and that's a start. I want to watch a lot of cartoons and just... be happy. I hope you are all happy as well.