DISTRACTIONS AND OTHER THINGS

I bet no one has missed me, but I'm back. I've been busy with school and the french competition, but now I'm here, for a short while, until school punches me in the face again.

I know I've been really annoying with french lately but it was the only thing I was interested in. I was immersed in it, my thoughts were in french. Whenever I had nothing to think about, the conjugation of the verb 'to be' in subjonctif came to my mind. Sois, sois, soit, soyons, soyez, soient. I watched movies with french subtitles, tried to find something french everywhere.

I was excused from school for two days prior to the competition to study, and boy, did I study. I solved thirty pages of grammar in a book, learnt three new tenses. (I've also watched at least ten episodes of The Office and read a lot of fanfiction.)

And in the end, I got 6th place. I have eight points less than the girl who got first place, and honestly, I'm really happy. I could've done better because apparently I made stupid mistakes due to not reading the instruction clearly, but I thought it'd be much worse. When I heard the second listening task, my heart dropped and I was sure my result would be horrible. I mean, which evil person decided to put numbers in, when we all know the French have really complicated them? Ninety nine is literally four times twenty plus ten plus nine. 

I'm not moving onto the state competition, but the preparations were really good for my mental health. I haven't cried or felt awful as usual this entire week. 

Usually, when I have nothing to think about, my mind goes "Jonghyun!". It's a habit at this point, because I've spent a year and a half thinking only about him and I don't think this habit will die anytime soon. But now, when I think about Jonghyun, my mind also jumps to death. And then I miss him. More than I've ever thought I'd miss anyone. And this week, my mind thought only about french verbs and irregular verbs in future simple and stuff like that.

I also didn't have to think about school, at all. I missed three tests and I didn't have to read a book for croatian class. I mean, I'll have to do two out of those tests next week (and both on the same day), but it's so nice to rest from all that stress. It's so nice to sleep until noon on a Thursday, while your class is taking a sociology test.

I missed seeing someone in the hallways, but... It's not like highschool crushes ever work out.

I've also missed my friend a lot!! But we hung out on Friday with our friend group and we were sad because the mall decided to remove the tables we sit at every week for no reason whatsoever, but we were happy to be together. I'm pretty sure I'll write an individual post for the four of them soon. I love them more than anything.

I think the point of this post is that you need to find something you love to distract you from your dark thoughts. I mean, it's not like I want to forget about Jonghyun and I don't think you should ignore your feelings. Sometimes you need to immerse yourself into the saddness and just cry your heart out. I've done that... Many times. But this week has done wonders for me and I really hope I won't sink deeper than this and that it will only get better from now on.

And I hope all of you are okay and that you have something or someone that makes you want to hold on.

P.S. Support EXO on the Olympics Closing Ceremony tomorrow!! (For Croatians, it's at noon at HRT2! Their performance will last for over half an hour, so you will surely be blessed.)