THE STORY OF LIGHT

Last week I wrote about someone new who entered my life recently and made me love him a lot. But now I'd like to talk about something old, something constant in my life that won't change for a long while.

SHINee has been dropping the teasers for their comeback which has three MVs and three mini albums, but it's all titled - The Story Of Light. And I'd like to tell the story of how the light that is SHINee entered my life and stayed for this long.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I didn't really care about them at first. I liked View, but it never occured to me that I could go and watch their other MVs or performances. It all stayed at "I like that blonde guy but I don't know his name". I seriously asked Klara "what's the name of that SHINee guy I like" at least once a week and once I wrote his name as Jeonghyun. 

But then I remembered Kibum's "You've never heard about kpop?" and I wanted to watch their videos and give them my love. And as much as I only loved Jonghyun at first, and by that I mean literally the first day or two, all of the members stole my heart. 

I changed my twitter handle to something Jonghyun related, my layout was SHINee. My heart was SHINee. Pearl aqua, as they say.

I really don't know when and how they became everything I talked about, everything I thought about. But they did. All I thought about was SHINee, they gave me strength to keep going. My five boys, my five idols. My five family members.

Whenever I was sad, whenever I was happy, I just thought about them. They became a constant in my life.

At some point I started calling them my family. They brought me warmth, comfort, a sense of purpose, a feeling of belonging. I could feel their love, whenever they sang Replay or The SHINee World, whenever they ran to the shawol area on SMTown concerts, whenever Kibum called us "my lil freaks", whenever they told the fans they love them. I felt loved, I felt like I belonged. I belonged to the SHINee World.

They never seemed like the group for me, at least my image when I started stanning them. I was a cringy piece of shit and tried to appear all badass, and then I fell for a group called - SHINee. Shiny but written in an aesthetic way. The most extra group you'd ever see. And yet I loved them more than anyone, more than any group that would "suit" me.

I can't explain to you how hurt I felt when Jinki went and fucked up. I cried while looking at the SHINee posters on my walls, I felt hurt and betrayed. Even if he wasn't guilty for what he was accused for, he still fucked up and my heart was broken. I was waiting for an ot5 reunion, I spent months waiting. 

The last ot5 picture happened in July 2017. 

After Jonghyun's death, I told myself I'd never leave him nor SHINee. They needed support then more than ever, they still do. When he was still alive, I always said I'd love him forever. So I will. I won't break my promise. I will forever stay with SHINee.

And here I am today. I'm still not sure whether I'm ready to listen to SHINee songs on a daily basis, but today I listened to a couple of them without crying. I even watched some stages! And I actually felt calm and at peace. 

No one can bring me that much happiness as SHINee can. No one and nothing in the world. There isn't a feeling comparable to what I feel when I see them happy and healthy, especially this year, after everything they've been through. I'm so proud of them.

I was proud of them when they held those concert in February. They all cried and it was emotional, but I'm proud of them for doing it. I'm proud of them for even getting out of bed in the first two months. I was proud of them when I saw previews of them smiling at the airport. I was proud of them when they announced the comeback. I was proud when Jinki came back to public.

I will always be proud of them.

It's been ten years since their debut, at least it will be in five day, and even though I wasn't there from the start, I will be until the end. They went from small teenage boys to strong adult men and it makes me emotional whenever I think how far they've come. I love my legends of kpop, legends of music in general. 

These teasers are making me so happy at the moment because I thought I'd never see another SHINee comeback. Call me a pessimist all you want, but I didn't want to get my heart broken so I just assumed they'd disband. The fact they didn't and they're doing their best to make shawols happy, to make us feels loved and at home is making my heart the fullest it's ever been.

I wish I could support them with more than just my love from afar. I wish I could buy every album, I wish I could attend a concert, I wish I could meet them and tell them how much I love them. I want them to know I consider them my family.

I love you, SHINee. Forever.

This post was really sappy, and the next week's one might be because I'm turning eighteen on Sunday which is making me really nervous! 

Also I saw that my blog has been getting a lot of attention lately? Either that or there has been a serious glitch on Webnode. Anyway, if there's anyone new here, I hope you like my content and if there's anything you'd like to say, feel free to contact me.

I hope you all had a nice week and I wish you a great next week! Support SHINee's new MV which drops on the 28th!