WISHFUL THINKING

It's wednesday, my dudes.

Okay, it's friday, but it feels like a wednesday. Or is it just me? 

Anyway, I'm posting this early because I won't have access to my laptop on sunday because woop woop I'm going to the seaside. For three days only, but still. I haven't seen the sea in almost a year.

A lot has happened this week and I didn't expect that - I honestly thought this summer would be the worst one yet. I don't know why, I just had a strong feeling that I'd be sad and miserable the entire time. I mean, I kind of was yesterday, but it's not an everyday occurance as I thought it'd be.

I went to sleep over at Petra's on monday and it was a lot of fun! I don't hang out with her much and she's a whole different world from all my other friends, mostly because she doesn't know anything about kpop. So we watched movies and tv shows and she showed me a lot of good western music which I'm not used to because the only western music I know is the one they play on the radio at McDonald's (i think we all love radio swiss pop!). Also - don't watch "End of The F****** World". I mean, it was amazing, but it was also horrible and I honestly don't know what my feelings for it are. Would watch again, tho, 10/10.

We also watched "Kissing Booth" which is a movie made based on an old (apparently iconic) Wattpad fic. It's literally all Watpadd cliches in one movie. ALL OF THEM. I could predict the storyline from her first sentence. Still, it was kind of interesting? It's fun to make fun of movies like those. Just like you'd make fun of Twilight, you know.

I also went to watch "Love, Simon" on wednesday. I know it's been on the internet for a while, but I guess I just like going to the movies with my best friends. It's always fun. We literally couldn't stop laughing before the movie started and we couldn't stop cringing and feeling second-hand embarrassment when Simon did what he did towards the end. Still, it was a good movie and I liked it. The actor who plays Simon is really cute and he also starrs in "Everything, everything" which is also amazing btw! Anyway, support the gay agenda and watch "Love, Simon"!

I've also decided to go to driving school. I'm still not completely sure whether I should do it or not because it costs a lot of money, and even more if you fail tests, and I'm really scared of driving and traffic and everything. I can barely stand to drive with people I don't know, and I can't stand driving fast at all. I can't fall asleep in a car (which is weird because I nap on the bus twice a day, no exceptions). 

But I think it might be good for me - good to distract myself from sadness and stuff. I guess if I study and try facing my fears I won't think about other things. It'll take a lot of my time but I'll still have free time to hang out with my friends which is great. I just need to... Take up a lot of my time so I have less time to be sad. Does that make sense? I feel like it does.

I was sad for absolutely no reason (mostly missing Jonghyun, per usual) yesterday and it was awful but thankfully I had SHINee to make me happy. No one can calm me down like they can. All I had to do is see them smile and be happy and I was happy as well. I don't know how they do it, but they have this effect on me and I'm really thankful for it. I love SHINee. 

Now I'll have three days to move away from everything and clear my head and hopefully I'll feel happy all the time. I really don't want to cry myself to sleep in an unknown town; unknown bed. I brought a book to read and a notebook to write in just in case so I think I'll be fine. Hopefully.

Oh I also bought shorts which isn't that important for you but it's important for me because I haven't worn shorts in public in YEARS. I always wear jeans, no matter how hot it is outside. Or skirts, although I don't know why it's easier to wear skirts than shorts, but it is. But the other day I just decided to wear shorts. My legs look awful and I hate them but I wanted to try. And I liked it. I like finding random boosts of confidence inside me, I love that feeling and I hope I'll feel it a lot more from now on. I don't feel pretty often - it's a really rare occurance - and I really want to fix that. I want to feel pretty, even though I'm not.

I hope my entire summer break will be like this past week - a really happy week spent with good friends and quality entertainment. All my idols being active and putting a smile on my face. Doing things that make me happy, spending time with people who make me happy.